exploration in progress

I don’t consider myself to be one with mystic aura. No I’m no way hard core materialistic person as few of my dear friends are. Few even find me difficult to understand.
Never care for such people. I am really selfish in this regard. Those who don’t have it in them to comprehend me let dear God take care of ‘em. I’m least interested.
Now I can’t bluff there have been couple of cases where I was floored only to make out what felt by me was never reciprocated. Never mind. This way of philosophizing things let me breathe freely even in my darkest hour. I may look blissful on surface but then it has never been the case. I don’t know sometimes I even doubt my existence. Did I ever thin too high of me. No I was always a back bencher. A guy who knew all those basking in glory knew. Could have done and had done (alas only a few witnessed) all that those limelight stealers had done. But then I was amused by this game of one upmanship .
Do I sound a bit drained out. One who felt he could have done a lot better than what he is doing right now. Checking some rubbish code which any one can do. And those who do (one of my seniors takes great pride in manipulation of few commands(I work on UNIX platform) and always loves to show off whatever meager knowledge he has.
I have suffered fools all my life but a proud fool like him is too much to bear. Sometimes it hurts my esteem to be a junior to such a person. God where am I heading to?
I still nurture great dreams, some of them may sound quixotic and I fear revealing ‘em.
Well I compare my life to an ODI, then I can see first 15 overs (those uninhibited years of joy and pure fun have long bid adieu to me) are already over with not many on board.
So ideally it’s time to consolidate, but a base is needed first of all which can be further consolidated. I am a dreamer, I am a thinker but the whole action is missing. What to do?
Life can’t go on like this. I need to be assertive. Have to grab my chances. For too long I have let my aspirations unfulfilled. Time for some solid action. Time to put to break into sweat, some stupid will vouch only sweat can take them to the top.
Enough planning done. No cribbing. Now time to do something .